Well, I met another survivor online. (.........???????...........) Having trouble staying focused. I watched about 10 seconds of a video that she said wasn't for survivors. I cut it off really fast, but something kicked off.
Now not having coherent thought.
What I wanted to talk about was something about programming.
So, how to get past this? She called it scrambling. My thoughts certainly are.
My thoughts about being a felon have been rigid and irrational. That was it. She said programming is rigid and irrational. Nobody can talk you out of it. You can't talk yourself out of it. So, if you can't rationalize with them, you need to get around them. But, how? And, without a decent therapist? She suggested mindfulness. I think we got scared off mindfulness. Like we got scared away from each other. We got scared away from meditation a long time ago. Every meditation attempt ended up with something freaky and out of control happening. Okay, I have to go take my meds, have a smoke, and calm down. And, ask somebody to make sure nothing happens tonight?
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