mashed potatoes

Well, I did make a few calls today. They were really discouraging, and my therapy session was crap. But, I do have some commitment to the idea. My therapist did give me an idea on where to look for resources in ------. I decided on --------- because she/mom would only help me move if I went there. I so do not want to be closer to her/mom. Big con.

But some pros:
--there's a hospital with a trauma unit in -----
--there are a lot of housing options in a big city
--more mental health agencies, and more treatment centers

I did make some changes yesterday and today. After skipping 3 meals for three days and only eating ramen noodles, I downloaded a calorie counter, so I could eat different food, and log it. And, come out of my room regularly. I quit smoking 3 years ago, and last week I'd started thinking I'd start smoking again. Not a lot. But, I was always a social smoker. Getting out of my room once in a while, interacting with people a little. These aren't really healthy, but neither is isolating to the point of insanity.

I had some blackouts today. They really scare me. Funny. I did work with a DID T for a while, but the skills I learned from her are pretty much gone. I guess I got the message that practicing those skills had dire consequences.

I did take a muscle relaxer at 4 because my day was crap.

I kind of blew over it, but my anorexia kicked on over the weekend.