Depressed

I am so fucking depressed. I've just been going over and over, since yesterday, how mad and how fired up I was 8 years ago, and how I've turned all that rage onto myself. I'm a wisp of that person. I don't deserve to live. I've let him grind me down. I can't stand myself anymore. I have a permanent smear on my legal record. He should have it. But I do. My stomach is just roiling right now. I do get soooo mad thinking about it. But there's nothing I can do about it. Except kick myself. Over and over. Over and over.